I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
