ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
