it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
