I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
