I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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