By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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