Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
