mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
