and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
