turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
