I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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