Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
