what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
