i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
