Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
