a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
