Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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