Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You don't make any sense
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