My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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