I think i peed on brittanys purse
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This is classic penis vs brain.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
