I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The struggles of a small town man whore
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
