I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
