Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
