you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
