I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
