I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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