why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
