I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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