Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
