i permit you to call me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
