I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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