he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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