You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
