i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
