I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Houston, we have a blender
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Text me some of your sweat
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
