my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
