I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
