Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
