It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
