Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
