Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
