How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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