hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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