Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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