I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
