I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
