Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
