I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
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