Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
