I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
