After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
