if i can run in heels then i can drive
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
