I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
