Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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