420 ftw
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
